Fourteen. "A Picture of Myself Last Year, and How I Have Changed."
Day 14. A picture of myself and how I have changed.
Honestly, on the physical side, very little has changed about me.
My hair is a little bit longer, and due to health problems I've lost some weight, but I look essentially the same.
Hopefully, I've changed on the inside though.
Some crazy things have happened last year.
I received my Associates degree. It wasnt much, but it was something. Something I could check off of my list. It made me feel good to get that diploma in the mail. It was good to know that those thousands of dollars actually made something happen. My mom so wanted me to get my degree (she wanted me to get my bachelor's though, but I'm still working on it!) and I know she would have been super proud of me.
My little sister made it through her first year of college. (Almost, she started finals today) College life is hard, and I was worried that I hadnt done enough to prepare her after my mom passed away, but God knows the end results, and he can make what little work we put into something, yield great results. My mom would have been so proud of her too. :)
A girl I know, had a baby before she thought she was ready. It made me stop and think a little bit. Think about what I would do in her situation. Think of how I had been spared from her situation. By the pure grace of God on my life, I wasnt going through the same thing. I learned what love looks like. Sticking to the person, even when no one else does. Loving them through tough times. Being there when no one else is.
God has helped me to become a better listener. Sometimes all someone wants is a listener. They dont always want advice shoved down their throat the minute they start to talk. Also, I have stopped to listen to myself talk. What am I talking about? Does it edify the other person? Am I showing love in the language that I am using?
God has taught me to say I was wrong. I am ashamed to say it, but I used to either wait for Daniel to say he was wrong first, or I would do the "butt-thing". "I was wrong, but.." Daniel would literally have to prompt me into a correct apology. A couple times this past year, I have noticed that as soon as I allow my heart to become humble, and I am getting ready to say the words, the other person turns to me and says it first. Its amazing how God can work on two people simultaneously like that. Not that I am perfected in this area or anything. Goodness, no. I only hope that I am a little better than last year.
God has taught me, not to take up useless grievances. As Proverbs 19:11 says, "...it is his glory to overlook a transgression." If it is not my offense, I need to let it go. If it is only going to negatively effect the relationship, let it go. If at all possible, let it go. Sometimes I have to pray to be able to let it go. Sometimes I want to hold on for dear life, break down and cry, point fingers and call up girlfriends but then I remember to just let it go.
I've grown up a bit. I've gotten two jobs, and I've found them mostly on my own, with a little help from friend. I have braved interviews, first days, and climbing up and down ladders. I have memorized my social security number. I have used the phrase, "I cant, I have to work." I have pleaded with my boss, and laughed with my co-workers. It has been interesting, but totally fun. I am so thankful to God for providing both of my jobs. I have also learned how to put air in my tires, how to put water in my car, and how to never wash it with dish soap. I have learned that sometimes you just have to suck it up and do things you dont like. Like going to the Dr.s office by myself, or directing the Wednesday night children's ministry (which I do like now).
And no one feels sorry for you. Because thats just life.
I think most importantly, and most obviously, God has taught me to enjoy (and employ) life now. As it is this very moment. To live it to the fullest today. Everyday, loving people to Jesus. Everyday, praying that God will get you through the tough parts. Everyday, thanking God for one more breath, for one more conversation with the people I love. Not spending every moment counting down the days until my life goes "back to normal". Accepting a "new normal." Learning the silver lining.
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| May 14th 2010 |
My hair is a little bit longer, and due to health problems I've lost some weight, but I look essentially the same.
Hopefully, I've changed on the inside though.
Some crazy things have happened last year.
I received my Associates degree. It wasnt much, but it was something. Something I could check off of my list. It made me feel good to get that diploma in the mail. It was good to know that those thousands of dollars actually made something happen. My mom so wanted me to get my degree (she wanted me to get my bachelor's though, but I'm still working on it!) and I know she would have been super proud of me.
My little sister made it through her first year of college. (Almost, she started finals today) College life is hard, and I was worried that I hadnt done enough to prepare her after my mom passed away, but God knows the end results, and he can make what little work we put into something, yield great results. My mom would have been so proud of her too. :)
A girl I know, had a baby before she thought she was ready. It made me stop and think a little bit. Think about what I would do in her situation. Think of how I had been spared from her situation. By the pure grace of God on my life, I wasnt going through the same thing. I learned what love looks like. Sticking to the person, even when no one else does. Loving them through tough times. Being there when no one else is.
God has helped me to become a better listener. Sometimes all someone wants is a listener. They dont always want advice shoved down their throat the minute they start to talk. Also, I have stopped to listen to myself talk. What am I talking about? Does it edify the other person? Am I showing love in the language that I am using?
God has taught me to say I was wrong. I am ashamed to say it, but I used to either wait for Daniel to say he was wrong first, or I would do the "butt-thing". "I was wrong, but.." Daniel would literally have to prompt me into a correct apology. A couple times this past year, I have noticed that as soon as I allow my heart to become humble, and I am getting ready to say the words, the other person turns to me and says it first. Its amazing how God can work on two people simultaneously like that. Not that I am perfected in this area or anything. Goodness, no. I only hope that I am a little better than last year.
God has taught me, not to take up useless grievances. As Proverbs 19:11 says, "...it is his glory to overlook a transgression." If it is not my offense, I need to let it go. If it is only going to negatively effect the relationship, let it go. If at all possible, let it go. Sometimes I have to pray to be able to let it go. Sometimes I want to hold on for dear life, break down and cry, point fingers and call up girlfriends but then I remember to just let it go.
I've grown up a bit. I've gotten two jobs, and I've found them mostly on my own, with a little help from friend. I have braved interviews, first days, and climbing up and down ladders. I have memorized my social security number. I have used the phrase, "I cant, I have to work." I have pleaded with my boss, and laughed with my co-workers. It has been interesting, but totally fun. I am so thankful to God for providing both of my jobs. I have also learned how to put air in my tires, how to put water in my car, and how to never wash it with dish soap. I have learned that sometimes you just have to suck it up and do things you dont like. Like going to the Dr.s office by myself, or directing the Wednesday night children's ministry (which I do like now).
And no one feels sorry for you. Because thats just life.
I think most importantly, and most obviously, God has taught me to enjoy (and employ) life now. As it is this very moment. To live it to the fullest today. Everyday, loving people to Jesus. Everyday, praying that God will get you through the tough parts. Everyday, thanking God for one more breath, for one more conversation with the people I love. Not spending every moment counting down the days until my life goes "back to normal". Accepting a "new normal." Learning the silver lining.
I love you Em!! You have grown so much and I know your Momma would be so proud of you! I know I am! You have allowed God to change you and bring you up His way! Not a lot of girls your age can say that. I know I couldn't at that age. Praying for you always.
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