Research Paper: Godly Family Planning

I wrote this reseach paper my Freshman year at Boyce. Many people had shocked expressions when I told them what I was researching or when they saw what books I was checking out of the Library. Yet, it was something that I wanted to know more about, and to know where I stood as a woman who would one day face these issues. I wanted to have a solid response not only for myself, but also to answer any questions that others might pose to me.

I have told several people about this paper lately, and there was some intrest in reading it. I thought I'd post it, and if you have the time and are interested go ahead. If not, I totally understand. 

Family Planning Options

When talking about life and questions pertaining to it, the most important question to ask is, “where does it begin?” When and how life begins is a miraculous and beautiful thing though somewhat complicated. There are several opposing views that should be examined.

 Some people believe that life begins at consciousness, some say at the first heartbeat, others say implantation, and still others say that life actually begins during the fertilization, with the egg penetration and chromosome alignment.[1]  This belief directly affects one’s personal choices for family planning. Psalm 139:13 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” This verse and others reveal that life begins long before consciousness. As a Christian, it is hard not to hold this view. God is very clear to us about this. Thus, of the vast number of family planning options that Christians have to consider, abortion is not one of them. For God has created and ordained the life of every unborn child.

 “Human life is precious. We are created in the image of God and He has given us dominion over His creation and authority to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’ This blessing, first seen in Genesis 1 is repeated to Noah and his sons also as a blessing, not as duty or obligation but as a sacred privilege of many.”[2]  So it is a privilege. Not a right or a burden. It is a privilege and a glorious opportunity to glorify God. As a privilege and blessing of God, Christians have choices as how to receive children and when.

There are many different forms of birth control beside abortion: sterilization, oral contraceptives, barrier methods, periodic abstinence, withdrawal, and many others.[3] No birth control method is one hundred percent accurate every time.[4] Each has its own risks and benefits. It is up to the individual couple to decide what is right for their specific situation. Even from a secular viewpoint, “Family planning, contrary to appearances, is one of the most complicated health services for any population.”[5] The response to such a choice should ultimately be openness to God’s guidance for each individual couple. God has blessed his children with many resources to respond responsibly to his gifts of life.

God’s Sovereignty

 “All life is precious--whether planned or unplanned, carried to term or miscarried—and “family” should be a secure place for the people of God to walk through their days, regardless of whether the family is large or small.”[6]  Where the bible is very strict on this matter of abortion, other methods and practices are maybe not so vividly perceived. Some would even go as far as to say that family planning altogether is a mistake that interferes with trust in the sovereignty of God. Nancy Leigh Demoss writes, “Family planning is the mother of abortion. A generation had to be indoctrinated in the ideal of planning children around personal convenience before abortion could become popular.”[7]  This is likely very true. When selfish desires and “conveniences” come into play, sin is often the result. However, this doesn’t mean that desires and conveniences are always selfish. “Sometimes, well meaning Bible students point to the fact that God opens and closes wombs, and they conclude from this that all forms of contraception are wrong. They argue that to try to prevent pregnancy is ‘playing God’ or ‘lacking faith’.”[8] This is understandable, because God does indeed open and close wombs numerous times throughout scripture. The very woman he used to carry and give birth to his son experienced a very miraculous pregnancy. Yet, God has done many miraculous things that have nothing to do with our control. He is sovereign over every part if our lives, and yet we must make many decisions daily. Ultimately, we understand that God can interfere at any time. Our “control” and “methods” are still no match for his sovereignty and power.  

God has abundantly blessed his children with wisdom as to how to perceive and deal with these kinds of life situations. “When birth control was new, it was radical, but now; we regard the regulation of family size, child spacing, and fertility as conventional middle-class wisdom.”[9] No where in scripture does it give the exact name of one’s future spouse, and yet many Christians have no trouble using wisdom to determine who God would have them to marry. God has provided us, especially in recent years, with knowledge about fertility that can aid us greatly in our choices for family planning. He will guide us in these crucial choices having to do with how many children we should have, when we should have them, and what methods we should responsibly consider. There are still some things that every couple should consider when contemplating this matter.

First, personal resources are an important matter to consider. If children are introduced into this family, will there be enough food on the table? Do we have enough room for children in our house or apartment? Are we mature enough in life and in Christ to have children and be parents? God is the provider of all of these things, and will provide every need we can imagine. Still, there is stewardship involved here, and it must be evaluated. “Many today teach that unlimited human multiplication is the ‘moral responsibility’ or ‘duty’ of all married couples.”[10] This is simply untrue. If having children means buying a house that we cannot afford, and getting into large amounts of debt, how can we say that this is our moral responsibility?

If we view fertility as a matter of stewardship, than we can easily say to God that it is his to do with it as He wills. When we have money, we entrust it to the Lord, but we still spend, save and give according to wisdom that God gives us in and through his word. Then if God goes against our will, we can trust him that he will also provide any resources necessary. This same principle is also true with matters of fertility.

We ask God to give us wisdom as how to use this precious gift and our resources are a very vital sign as to how God would have us respond. If we respond obediently, and still find ourselves in a different position than we had imagined, we can know that it is God’s plan and he will provide any resources we could possibly need.

Another aid that God gives in discerning choices concerning children is our earthly authority. Women have a partner who is biblically commanded to lead them spiritually. This means that difficult decisions such as these are often ultimately decided by the leader in the relationship.

It is an important topic to discuss for couples who are considering marriage. “Couples frequently run into conflict in this important area, so it’s best to resolve differences as early as possible.”[11] It is important to note that ideally each couple should converse openly and ultimately agree in this area, but ultimately it is the husband’s responsibility to make the final decision. The woman must then understand that it is God’s will for her to respond biblically to whatever her husband chooses. This means to submit to his choice, no matter how uncomfortable it seems to be at the time. God will bless anyone who responds with obedience to his word in submitting to one’s husband, especially in times of difficulty.

The Outcome

The bottom line is that God controls and ordains our lives. “Not everyone is called to or able to procreate.”[12] God has made some to be physical mothers and fathers, and others to be spiritual “mothers” and “fathers” in the family of God. We all have a calling to be that kind of support for one another. No matter what God’s calling is for life, the important thing to remember is that he is ultimately in control.

Birth control is very helpful. It helps give years to get used to being married before introducing children to the picture. It can aid in spacing children apart evenly so that they can have good relationships with each other and still get the attention they need. It can help keep family sizes manageable so that parents can be the best they can be. Still, it is imperfect. Besides several drawbacks that each method presents, there is still that chance that each and every method will be ineffective. If this happens, what is the proper response for a godly woman?  

First, it is important to look at who has given life. God always knows what he’s doing. Even when adding a child to busy a schedule seems ridiculous. Elisabeth Elliot writes of when her daughter Valerie was expecting her fifth child, the thoughts that plagued Elliot’s mind as she wondered how her daughter would manage another. “Was it the revelation of a worse attitude, an unwillingness to let God be God? It was this last question that I knew I must wrestle with as I knelt in the bedroom. Most things that trouble us deeply come down to that. I had to bring each of my wrong responses definitely and specifically before God, lay them honestly before him.”[13]

The response that Christian women everywhere should have when faced with unplanned pregnancy is to lay our wrong responses before God. First and foremost every woman must die to self. One cannot be worried about selfish ambitions of this world. If God has brought a beautiful miracle into our lives, the least we can do is embrace it whole-heartedly. God calls us many times to relinquish our rights. Our wants are not always synonymous with what is best. God is in control, and his will is exactly what we would want if we could see the end result. The root of discontent is truly selfishness. We feel as though we are somehow being cheated of what we deserve.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, was probably very worried about this child that she was told to carry and mother. Likely a young teenager, this might have seemed more of an inconvenience than one might guess. She was a normal girl, and probably had plans and aspirations as we all do. We do know that her pregnancy was a hindrance to her social status and it affected her relationship with Joseph as well.

Nancy Leigh Demoss gives insight, “But there is no indication of any such hesitation or reservation on Mary’s part. Her response was simply, ‘I am the Lord’s servant....May it be to me as you have said’ (Luke 1:38). She said in effect, ‘You are my Lord. I am Your servant. My body is Yours; I accept any inconvenience or hardship this will mean for me. All that matters to me is fulfilling the purpose for which you have created me. I gladly surrender myself to be used as You will.”[14] That should be the response of every servant of God. To be used of him for his purposes is greater than anything we could imagine for ourselves.

       After deciding to surrender your rights to God, worries sometimes can still plague. Blessedly, God is also the God of peace. Relaying our worries over to him brings peace into our lives. “Even though the feelings don’t evaporate at once, they have been surrendered, and the Lord knows what to do with them. Mine had to be surrendered over and over again, but He took them and over the next few days, he transformed them.”[15] One comforting thought is that God will never bring something beyond endurance.

Often, God brings things to lives that seem beyond human capability. In one’s own strength, this is true. Matthew 19: 26 shouts loud and clear, “…With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” This is applicable to those even expecting their seventh, eighth, ninth child.

Elisabeth Elliot speaks of her daughter’s pregnancy, “He [God] was granting this family the privilege of offering sacrifices for Him, participating in his grand designs. YES LORD. Your will is my conscious choice. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.”[16] When our worries are placed upon him and we truly want what he wants for us, then we experience true peace. Thankfully, God is the God of peace today, tomorrow, and always.

Conclusion

Whatever a woman’s circumstances may be, her life is precious to God. One important thing to remember is that though Children are very important, they are not reasons for living. God is the one whom we were created for. Many times it is easy for children (whether we have them or want them) to become idols in our lives.

Our first responsibility is to love our God. Our second responsibility is to love our husbands. Then, to love wholeheartedly every blessed child that has come from the Lord. God has purposes for each child that he creates, and only God knows how many generations a child can touch through his or her life.[17] Whatever personal decisions are made concerning issues of family planning and birth control, if God’s will is the focus, he will richly bless.

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[1] Ibid., 19

[2] Ibid., 47

[3] Robert H. Blank, Fertility Control: New Techniques, New Policy Issues (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press 1991), 16.

[4] Cutrer, Family Building, 21

[5] Martha Coonfield Ward, Poor Women, Powerful Men: America’s Great Experiment in Family Planning  (Boulder: Westview Press, 1986), 36

[6] Ibid., 18

[7] Nancy Leigh Demoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2001), 170.

[8] Cutrer, Family Building, 12.

[9] Ward, Poor Women, Powerful Men, 7.

[10] Cutrer, Family Building, 6.

[11] Ibid., 20.

[12] Ibid., 3.

[13] Elisabeth Elliot, Elisabeth Elliot Devotional: Elisabeth Elliot on Too Many Children, para. 5-6 [on-line]; accessed 26 October 2008; available from http://mommylife.net/archives /2006/12/elisabeth_ellio_15.html; Internet.

[14] Demoss, Lies Women Believe, 172.

[15] Elliot, Elisabeth Elliot Devotional, para. 7.

[16] Ibid., para. 6

[17] Ibid.