"Dear Emily." - Part one.

My dream job would be to have my own advice column. I would love for people to tell me that I am good at giving advice and have lots and lots of people ask for my advice. 

I dont have an advice column but I dish it out anyway. The occasional person will ask, and I share like I know what I am talking about. The truth is, I pretty much never take my own advice...ever..(bless Daniel's heart)...but I pack a pretty good punch. (I have no idea what that means, but it sounded tough.)

Oh, and I should probably be pretty clear up front. My advice is mostly, if not entirely borrowed. Yeah. Its not my own. Thats how I know it works. Cause I've seen it or read about it or experienced it. So yeah.

Most of my tasty little tidbits come from The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. It is a painful read. My other resources include: The Bible, and "having a lot of sisters."

Anyway, back to the Rules. They are so amazing. They work, but they kill.

Like, "Dont Call Men."

Ohh...I can feel the indigence... it burns!!!!!

Just trust me ladies.

The rules work.

THEY DO!

Trust me.

Nearly every time that I have broken a rule, I have instantly regretted it.
Take for example, the no-call rule. I havent seen the guy in a couple days, and I'm wondering if he's ever gonna call me...

So I get out my phone. I look at it. I look him up in my 'contacts'. I push his name. I close my phone.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Oops...I "forgot to close it".
It rings.
and rings.
and rings.
Voicemail.
Close phone quickly.
"He must have been out of the room or something."
Call again.
It rings.
and rings.
and rings.
Call six more times. Just to make sure.

Finally he answers. Is it just you, or does he sound irritated? He asks you whats wrong, and why you called so many times. You realize that you probably made it appear more urgent than necessary... When you quietly reply, "I just wanted to talk." the shame slowly pours over you.
He admits that he is at a friends house watching a football game, but if its that important, he'll listen.
All of a sudden, you can't even remember why you called him.
It had seemed like such a good idea.
Your pride tells you that you cannot. not. not. let him hang up now.
So you talk to him-ish... cause its really hard for him to hear you and you can tell he's only halfway listening.
Every so often he yells, "TOUCHDOWN!" which only verifies your doubt.
You hang up ten or so minutes later.
You feel dejected, shamed, annoying, clingy, needy, and lame.

Come on. You've had that happen. Or something similar anyway. and if you havent. Lucky, you. Now you know how to avoid it.

Imagine if you take my advice and wait for him to call you.

You are feeling sad and you wish he would call, but you decide to get on facebook or watch a movie instead.

Within an hour or so your phone rings. You get a little excited, but you tell yourself not to get your hopes up. You look and see his name on the caller-ID. You get all giddy and answer as calmly as possible.

You now have his undivided attention. He called you, so he doesnt expect you to keep the conversation going, he doesn't expect any big news from you, he's listening to you wholeheartedly. Not to mention you have the satisfaction that he took time out of his evening to call you. Plus also you get points for keeping the Rules!

Isnt scenario #2 so much better??

So yeah. Those are the types of awesome advice that I can give you. Because I love to talk about relationships like I know exactly what I'm talking about. (Honestly, I have no clue whatsoever).

So please write to "Dear Emily,".

Or not.

Either way, I'm gonna keep the advice comin.

Cause its my blog.

So there.

Disclaimer: my relationship with Daniel is nothing to brag about. We have our ups and downs like anybody else. It is very clear to us that God is the one who has brought us together, and he will be the one to keep us together if that is His will. My relationship "advice" is mostly for fun, and I do not even begin to pretend I have all the answers. Ok, actually I do like to pretend, but this is me being honest and reminding you its just pretend. I am a very lucky girl (who never takes her own advice) and has a great boyfriend who puts up with her. All for the glory of God. :)