Dear Emily: Careful vs. Picky.

This ties in with rule #18, "Dont expect a man to change, and dont try to change him", but I think I will have to leave that for part II of this post.

I would subtitle it, "Learn to love his quirks"

Lets lay down some truth for a minute. No one is perfect.

If you are one of those women with a list of criteria that is as long as your grocery list, and when you meet a guy you mentally (or literally) check off each item, then you need help.

First. Chuck the list.

Trust me. Give it a fling. Now go pick it up and tear it into itty bitts. Because, listen to me honey, and listen good... and this is gonna blow your mind. BLOW YOUR MIND!

You dont have any idea what you really want.

I love it. I feel the shock on all of your pretty faces. "I sure as heck do too know what I want!"  Sweetheart, you are screaming at your laptop screen, I can't even hear you. And anyway, nope. You dont.

You may think you know what you want, and I would totally agree with that. All women (dont you love my overgeneralizations.. sigh) think they know exactly what they want...but I just let you in on a big secret. In reality, we have no clue.

That is why it is so very very important not to be too picky.

When I was in highschool I went over to a friends house for some party she had. It was super fun. I dont really remember all of what we did or talked about, but I do remember that we went around the table and described exactly the type of guy that we saw each girl with.

I remember perfectly what they all said for me because it was exactly what I knew I wanted. Tall, European, ruddy complexion, rich, quiet, polite, and well dressed.

All I can say is...have you met Daniel? He's kinda got the ruddy complexion... and thats pretty much the extent of it.

Seriously though, what if I would have stood by those silly external criteria until I discovered the Prince Harry look-alike of my dreams? Well I'm just gonna guess I'd probably still be searching. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying settle. Oh no, settling means going beneath what you are capable of catching (which involves being realistic about the level you are on, but thats a whole nother post). No, settling is bad. I didnt settle at all.

 In fact, when I realized that I liked Daniel I was like, "List? What list?" because in all reality, when you are attracted to someone, it really doesnt matter if they meet your silly qualifications or not.

Do you ever watch Millionaire Matchmaker? Well I'm not suggesting you do necessarily, and I'm not suggesting that I agree with every word out of that woman's mouth, but she does make some sincerely good points. Like, if you are over the age of 20, then you will know within six months of dating someone if that is a person you could see yourself marrying. I knew that within six seconds. Not everyone is lucky like me.

Anyway, Patti (Millionaire Matchmaker) allows her clients to have five "non-negotiable". This is good because there are certain things that are invaluable to your relationship. Things like religion, children, life goals, etc. If you are dating a guy who never wants to have kids, but you want six, this will obviously become an issue. I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that you dont talk about the number of children you want to have on the first date. My sistas that wrote The Rules would be all up on me for that one. "Act light and breezy on dates 1, 2, &3". Anyway... I get the non-negotiable thing.

Mine would probably be: 1.) Christian, 2.) Caucasian, 3.) Understands that I will be in full-time ministry, 4. Wants kids, 5.) Good relationship with family. Notice they are very general. I didnt say, "Wants 4.2 children named Barb, Kinny, Ethan, Cindy, and Sophie, wants to live on Sunnybrook farm and raise horses when we retire."

Since spirituality is of great importance, there is room to be a little careful there, but really nothing else compares to that, so nothing else requires such choosiness.

Back to women having no clue what they want.

Like I said early, I knew exactly what I was looking for in a man, but then, not really. I could have never have thought up a list that would include all of the complexities that make up Daniel. He is my perfect soul mate. I am so not even joking. I realize this is barfy and cheesey. I get it. I'm not gonna shut up though. He is everything I was looking for without knowing I was looking for it.

I think I know why.

I think its because there is someone up there who knows a lot more about matchmaking then I ever could. Yep. God knows what he's doing people. Trust Him. (thats a whole nother post too).

A quick word to the gentlemen and then I'm off.

{Guys, listen to me for a sec. (I know you will never ever read this, but just listen). She does not know what she wants. She may think at first that she doesnt want you. Make her want you. Seriously! If you really like her, then keep on trying! I know that sounds dumb, and yes there is a point where you have to move on, but  I would estimate that probably 95% of guys give up too soon. So keep trying! It is your job to win her. It is your job to prove to her that you are what she wants! Ok, done.}

im so lucky. ;)