Part III
PART III
A month or so after my miscarriage, I decided I needed some other support. Daniel was being weighed down by my needy outbursts and I was learning that he just hadn't experienced the same level of grief that I had. It wasn't fair to him to expect that he fully understand what I was going through. Although we had both experienced loss--this was incredibly personal for me.
I went in search of a support group. I knew I wasn't ready to talk to someone face-to-face so I found a group on Facebook. It was for women who were trying to conceive their first child just like me. One thing about it really scared me, it had the word "Infertility" in the title.
Thus far, I had been much too afraid to refer to myself as "Infertile". Even though I knew that clinically, since it had been over a year since I had started trying--I was. This turned out to be a great step for me though. Admitting to myself that I did have something wrong with me. It wasn't something I had done or could fix on my own--but there was a problem and acknowledging the problem was good.
Furthermore; the group was good. It was good to be around people who understood my battles. Women who wanted a baby as bad as I did. Women who nearly every month thought that they had every pregnancy symptom known to man, just to see another negative result. Women who had friends and family members that complained about pregnancies and small children as if they were a nuisance instead of the treasure that we know they are.
In this group I met Tanna. She became to me the most wonderful friend and confidante. My cheerleader on good days and bad. She kept me going and gave me hope. She talked about my baby as though she was sure about it. I never did that. I always used words like "maybe" or "hopefully" she used words like "when" and "it will happen".
This strengthened my faith and she began to teach me that I was limiting God's abilities by assuming that this might never happen for me. Although I didn't know his plans, I did know that he was able and he would choose to give me a child in his timing. Slowly my doubt began to shift.
We began to pray for each other. I still pray for Tanna. We prayed that God would give us babies. We prayed that God would give us grace for those negative tests. We prayed that God would give our husbands patience and endurance. We prayed that our tests would be positive... and they weren't; but God gave us this incredible strength and camaraderie through it all.
I attribute a huge amount of my growth and healing to Tanna's beautifully positive attitude. I used to view people who walked around with such joy and confidence as naive. They didn't understand how hard my life was. But Tanna did understand, and she still shone with such faith that God would carry out his promises in our lives.
This lead me to December, and my phone call with Wendy.
Love you Tanna! <3
***As a sidenote here, I encourage anyone who is struggling with miscarriage or infertility to seek out a support group. There are literally hundreds on Facebook, and if you don't know where to begin, I can help to hook you up. Having support was incredibly vital in my own journey, and I would hate for anyone else to miss out on that.
A month or so after my miscarriage, I decided I needed some other support. Daniel was being weighed down by my needy outbursts and I was learning that he just hadn't experienced the same level of grief that I had. It wasn't fair to him to expect that he fully understand what I was going through. Although we had both experienced loss--this was incredibly personal for me.
I went in search of a support group. I knew I wasn't ready to talk to someone face-to-face so I found a group on Facebook. It was for women who were trying to conceive their first child just like me. One thing about it really scared me, it had the word "Infertility" in the title.
Thus far, I had been much too afraid to refer to myself as "Infertile". Even though I knew that clinically, since it had been over a year since I had started trying--I was. This turned out to be a great step for me though. Admitting to myself that I did have something wrong with me. It wasn't something I had done or could fix on my own--but there was a problem and acknowledging the problem was good.
Furthermore; the group was good. It was good to be around people who understood my battles. Women who wanted a baby as bad as I did. Women who nearly every month thought that they had every pregnancy symptom known to man, just to see another negative result. Women who had friends and family members that complained about pregnancies and small children as if they were a nuisance instead of the treasure that we know they are.In this group I met Tanna. She became to me the most wonderful friend and confidante. My cheerleader on good days and bad. She kept me going and gave me hope. She talked about my baby as though she was sure about it. I never did that. I always used words like "maybe" or "hopefully" she used words like "when" and "it will happen".
This strengthened my faith and she began to teach me that I was limiting God's abilities by assuming that this might never happen for me. Although I didn't know his plans, I did know that he was able and he would choose to give me a child in his timing. Slowly my doubt began to shift.
We began to pray for each other. I still pray for Tanna. We prayed that God would give us babies. We prayed that God would give us grace for those negative tests. We prayed that God would give our husbands patience and endurance. We prayed that our tests would be positive... and they weren't; but God gave us this incredible strength and camaraderie through it all.
I attribute a huge amount of my growth and healing to Tanna's beautifully positive attitude. I used to view people who walked around with such joy and confidence as naive. They didn't understand how hard my life was. But Tanna did understand, and she still shone with such faith that God would carry out his promises in our lives.
This lead me to December, and my phone call with Wendy.
Love you Tanna! <3
***As a sidenote here, I encourage anyone who is struggling with miscarriage or infertility to seek out a support group. There are literally hundreds on Facebook, and if you don't know where to begin, I can help to hook you up. Having support was incredibly vital in my own journey, and I would hate for anyone else to miss out on that.
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